it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
