Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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