Soap is not a condiment
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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