come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
