lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
