if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
