Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
