He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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