somebody snuck up and got me drunk
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
