My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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