Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
