apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
