Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
