Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize