I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
