that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
