im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
