My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
