Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
