So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
