if only i could text you this smell
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
