party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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