She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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