Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
