Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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