i jhust puked up my retainher.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
