When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
