oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize