I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize