i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
