I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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