Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
