I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
