There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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