conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
