the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
