Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
