I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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