um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I want her autograph on my taint
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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