sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
