I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
