he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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