Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
