you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
