On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
