I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
