hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
