hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
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