out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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