We won't sleep together?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
