Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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