i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
