The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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