Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Life is so much better after having sex.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
