Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize