I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
