my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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