U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
