Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
