I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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