I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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