I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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