Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
