i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you never un-have a 4some
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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