Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
