I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
