you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
