we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
