Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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