i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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