Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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