you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
