Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
