Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
